Family Ties

Hey Amy, me again. I have a question. What do you do when you have a family member of your new husband (say a sister) who basically does not like you, says she does not have the time to get to know you to see if she would like you, and is actually outwardly mean, rude, and cruel to you at family gatherings. Lets say I have tried to be nice, tried to get to know them a little, and tried so much I just want to quit now. So my husband stepped in. He talked to her, she says she is just stressed and could care less what I think. This talking to has been done twice, once on the phone and once in person, with no good outcome. While I get along great with the mother in law, the sister tends to say things to her that are not so nice about me (even though we never talk, so that is a bit befuzzeling), and she passes them on. So talking to her becomes a hard conversation as this sister is caring for the MIL most of the time. So, do you have any suggestions as to what I should do? Is giving up and not caring so much about it really the answer, or is that not the right thing to do? All opinions welcomed...Thanks!

Well, it's hard to answer this without knowing the parties involved, but I would say that you have done the right things so far. If this were not family, then I would say that sometimes you just have to protect yourself and to walk away. But since you can't just always avoid this person I would have to say that you should just keep being nice. Always. This doesn't mean that you have to be a doormat, but as long as you know you are living with integrity and your slate is clean, then the other family members will know it too. Your MIL may listen to the sister in the short term, but if you stick to your guns and remain nice and trustworthy, she will come to know the truth about you in the long run. Families are tough. It's hard to know how much to forgive and how much to stand up for yourself. Don't get me wrong-being nice doesn't mean that you have to be best friends with this person. I'm sure you and your husband will find the balance that meets your needs.

Good luck!
Amy