Christmas Presents

Allison Deming said...
Ok I am finally going to utilize your advice. What do you do when the Christmas traditions of a new family are SO different on each side. My side of the family, lots of gifts, everyone gets everyone something - sometimes more than one something, etc. His side of the family, draw names, one gift, $20 limit. Now, these are quite reflective of the difference in family financial situations. My side, no problems at all, his side much more diverse and a great need to be frugal in one or two families (if you need more detail here, I can call or something!). I have heard you should do the same for both sides, but I have two nieces who are always used to getting a gift from Aunt Ali, and my Brother, Sister in Law, Mom and Dad always get one too. They have no problem understanding if when changed, but the kids of course would, they are too young. But, I cannot change what my family does for us. My brother will get me more than one gift, and my parents will get more than one for both Justin and I...probably more than 3 actually. You want to be reciprocal right? So I should get them all something...that is how I feel, but are we being equal? Justin thinks leaving things the way they are is fine, but I worry it could cause problems down the road...never know. So what is kosher for family Christmas gift giving when you get married? All advice welcome...

Dear Allison,
You answered your own question when you said, "Justin thinks leaving things the way they are is fine." I agree with Justin. Our families have kept things the same way that we had them growing up. But there is some flexibility that is needed when you get married and are trying to meld traditions. We switch off holidays every year between our families. However, both of our parents will be with us this year. But it's the in-laws year-so we're going to be doing Christmas their way this year. But my in-laws do try to incorporate some of my most important traditions to their own. But I never try to push anything. I think being flexible and forgiving is the most important thing. Your families probably don't quite know what to do either. Communication is really important. And if you're worried about things down the road-I would say just keep an eye on the situation. If you can tell that tension has sprung up-then talk to the offended party and fix it. But "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Thanks for the question. Merry Christmas!

-Amy